Do Better Next Time
Mature growth requires constant self-observation – actively being on the lookout for ways that we may unintentionally allow negative patterns to dominate our personality, leading to unintended negative outcomes. However, when faced with the painful realization we have done wrong, all too often, reactionary responses of shame or regret may mire our ability to make positive change; yet another way we can allow a negative pattern to dominate – essentially trading one negative for another. Allowed to continue, we can all too easily find ourselves in a vicious cycle, and we risk being habitually stuck. Either we turn away in fear, or we perseverate in the pain.
What is the alternative? Remember that growth requires us to have something about ourselves that needs to change and allow yourself to humbly accept there is work to be done. Shame is only valuable as a call to action, not a long-term state of self-deprecation. As soon as we have insight clear enough to see how we have erred from a healthier ideal, go right to considering how to address the situation. Is an apology called for? Does something need to be communicated more clearly? Do you know a better way of framing your situation, such that you can move toward the healthier ideal? If not, who can help you find it? Whatever the need, muster the energy to attend to it right away. If you need help, ask for it. The longer we wait to make a shift, the harder it is to break the inertia of indecision.
Once you have done all that you can do to address the issue, move right to embracing the attitude: do better next time. Align with an honest intention to be on guard for how this pattern could come up again. Say to yourself, “I’ll do better next time”, and believe it. If you don’t’ feel confident in the assertion, force it. This is a conscious choice – an act of resistance against the subtle and seductive pull away from clarity, toward the same negative patterns that came up in the first place.
Recognizing that many of our negative habits require us to be faced with the same issue many times over, it is wise to expect that we may err again. And if so? Allow do better next time to become the positive habit that carries you through, to transform the negative into mature growth. If you want to strengthen your body, you go to the gym. But going to the gym just once will not make you strong. It is showing up regularly over the long-term, repetition after repetition, that builds enduring strength. Our power to make choices about how we see, understand, and respond to various aspects of our personality is like a muscle, growing stronger and stronger with each repetition of affirming the positive over the negative, the holistic over the narrowly limited, the wise over the immature.
So, the next time you are faced with an opportunity to grow: make a change and do better next time. Every step toward the light is a step away from the dark.
